So, long time no post. I’ve been recovering from my tooth extraction along with surgery on my feet. I’ve been so depressed lately; it’s been hard for me to pick up my pen. I manage to scratch a few lines here and there but no major work. Once I started missing my 1,000 words a day, it became harder to go back to. I haven’t written a note in a while and that’s depressing me too. I believe that part of my writing comes from the deep mental anguish I often feel. That’s part of the reason I didn’t seek treatment sooner. I thought if I got treated, my creativity would go away along with my depression. Come to find out, I don’t get much done when I’m struggling against my moods and thoughts. I went to my doc today and he doubled the dosage on my meds. Hopefully that helps.
I was going to go to a fiction writing group here in the Springs, but backed out at the last minute. I was supposed to read four stories so I had some feedback ready. Two of them were really bad, one was just plain awful. I wasn’t looking forward to going and pretending to be nice. I hate saying that but it’s true. Most people don’t want to hear the truth about their work, plus I find it hard to tell someone that they suck. It was fine, my father and my friend and I went to Starbucks instead and got some writing done. Plus I returned a book to Borders, the printer left out one hundred pages. Really weird. It’s the Joy Luck Club and I can’t wait to start it. Now I’m sure you are wondering why I went to both Borders and Starbucks. Well, Borders was so busy that there weren’t any tables. Yet, right across the street, the Starbucks was only a third full. I tried a Ginger Tea. It was good except it was made with boiling water and I burned my mouth on it. The thing I like about Borders is that you can get a tea service. They bring you a beautiful clear glass pot of tea along with small tempered glass cups. There’s something truly aesthetically pleasing about the color of tea (green that is); pouring it out in a steady stream and looking through the tea, at how it colors everything.
Anyhow, I hope to get back to my 1,000 words soon. I feel like such a bum for not doing it. Hopefully the meds work and I can get some semblance of order back in my life. I’ve considered quitting my job and working somewhere part time, and then I’d have more time for writing. The way things are going right now though, I wouldn’t get much done. I spend my days half awake, exhausted emotionally and physically. So who’s for running away to Portland (OR that is)? I went to Portland a couple of years ago and I loved it. The sky was so gray, and it would often drizzle lightly throughout the day. That’s my kind of weather, it was similar when I lived in Germany. I tell myself, if I make it big as an author, I will move to Portland. It’d be hard to leave my family though. I don’t worry too much about it though; I have a lot of work to do before that can happen. I hope this finds you all sane and happily writing.